May We Meet Again
by unrequitedexistence
Summary: "Oh, they were right. Leaving will remind you of the thousand and one almost invisible reasons why you should stay. And when they start clouding up your mind? That's when you know the time has come... the time to return." To the wonderful Miranda (cosiiimaaniehauss on Tumblr): it was truly a pleasure to get to know you. Merry Christmas.


May We Meet Again

To the wonderful Miranda (cosiiimaaniehauss on Tumblr): it was truly a pleasure to get to know you. Merry Christmas.

 **ROOKIE BLUE ROOKIE BLUE ROOKIE BLUE**

Alone. For the very first time in forever, Gail Peck found herself alone at home. There was no loud music playing, no hushed sentences of rage or pity, no need for her to step down and plead Switzerland... Nothing. No one.

 _Silence_.

Gail sat down and closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying as her body melted against a couch that she had not met in ages, but that still seemed to recognize her shape, holding her comfortably in place. A smile took over the indifference that had been decorating her pale features.

 _Peace_. _Quiet_.

She knew this day would come. She knew there would come a time in her life when slowing down would feel like success and not failure. She half wished it had arrived sooner. It would have saved her from a lot of heartache. Still, all the pain had brought her to this very moment and she was content, she would even dare to say she was proud. It had been a long run and she was now ready to admit that it was indeed the journey that mattered and not the destiny, there was no need to hurry. She would miss a lot of flights in her life and that was okay. More than okay, really. It was _life_.

Leaning back against the soft cushion that whispered memories in her ear, Gail held the remote of her Apple TV a little tighter in her hand. Her scent still lingered. She didn't have to try hard to feel the texture of her hair under her palm, the taste of her skin on her tongue...

 _Sigh_.

Gail would never have guessed that there would come a day when she would caress her scars longingly, though. This was beyond _new_ , it had been _inconceivable_ for her until a couple of months ago. She found herself respecting the fact that she missed someone instead of trying to fill in the blank space with someone else. This was a first, a breathtaking and heartbreaking first that she wouldn't trade for the world. She had already held it in her hands. It was immense, beautiful, wonderful... _free_.

 _Letting go_.

Wearing grey sweatpants, a white tank-top and a plaid black, white and grey shirt, she was... _comfortable_. She had finally decided to request a day off to enjoy herself, her own company. She was finding her way back to the person she was, to the person she had fallen in love with. Chosen path? Eating her body weight in cheesepuffs and binge watching Orphan Black on Netflix.

She was about to press play when her phone rang.

 _Emergencies_.

Gail put on her combat boots, her leather jacket and a scarf. Ironically enough, she was now on the way to a train station. There was a body lying on the tracks. A rather large amount of witnesses had seen the young woman jump apparently, but when one was the daughter of a famous gang leader...

"Casual Friday, is it?"

Gail raised an eyebrow as her brain ran the voice through her recognition program. It took her a little while longer, even though in reality it was almost instantaneous, for it was definitely out of place. Oliver Shaw had long ago earned the right to remain at the station. It was not something he liked, definitely not something he considered a privilege, but he knew it was not wise to leave the team alone at _home_. There was a history of... _trouble_. So what exactly was Oliver Shaw doing at the scene? _Why_ was he _also_ there?

"More like humourless Monday, it seems." Gail said as she made her way towards the station's entrance from where Oliver was half shouting at her. He seemed rather... _excited,_ enthusiastic even. Something fishy was going on, she was sure of it. He was never the happy one at a crime scene, specially when the crime had been committed against oneself. Suicides were never easy on him. Then again, he was standing at the door. Maybe he was avoiding exactly that.

"How will you make it through, I wonder..." He smiled and she couldn't help but smile back. He was one of the only people that had always seemed truly happy to see her. There was a special connection between them, a _bond_ , a father/daughter sort of thing. It was something that Gail truly appreciated and cultivated.

"I know you won't have any issues. That warms up my cold, cold heart."

Oliver laughed at Gail's dramatic delivery before lifting the yellow tape so that she could go through.

"Good luck."

She was about to ask him why she would need luck when Chloe Price showed up out of nowhere.

„Gail? What happened to Orphan Black?" The perky officer asked, real concern taking over her face.

„A suspicious suicide at a train station." She replied instantly, carrying on towards the body that was being guarded by an extremely nervous rookie.

Gail would have laughed at the question if she hadn't known Chloe Price as well as she did (which was _too well_ at times). She knew Chloe was honestly worried about the amount of time she had been dedicating to the force lately. She would never let Chloe know that her concern had led her to question her own reasons and to decide to take some time off...

"Did she just make a joke?" She heard Chloe's surprised voice tone, probably directed at Oliver.

"Here, hold this." Gail told the rookie, giving him one of the two cups of hot chocolate she had bought on the way.

She had been standing by the body for a couple of minutes when she heard the footsteps approaching. Two people, both familiar. With her back turned to the platform, she tried to identify who they belonged to. She was sure that Chloe was, for some reason, leading someone else to her. There was a lightness to her step, as if she was constantly playing some sort of childhood game that brought her memories of _happiness_. Now the second one...

"Your Cosima has arrived. Straight from the airport."

There was laughter in Chloe's voice. That could only mean one thing...

"And who does that make me?"

"Not Sarah, I hope. That would be extremely awkward."

Gail froze in place. She had guessed correctly, but for once she wasn't sure she wanted to be right. She could feel the warmness of her chocolate brown eyes on her back. Always careful, gentle. And her voice... always daring, challenging, but never intruding...

"I guess you never heard Gail speak French, Holly. She puts me to shame."

"Can't say that I have. Then again, I _was_ in a hurry." It was impossible to miss the way Holly had emphasized the past tense. „Interesting new uniform, Officer."

"It's Detective now." Gail finally said, turning around to face the woman she had last seen at that exact same station a couple of months before. "I had a lot of free time on my hands." She added, making her way back up to the platform where they stood.

Gail's answer could be interpreted in a thousand different ways and Holly's mind had gone through them all, landing on the most hurtful one. Sophie's adoption hadn't gone as planed. That had to be why Gail had decided to dedicate her every breath to the force. She had nothing else, _no one_ else. But why hadn't she said something? Why hadn't she reached out? To be fair, Holly hadn't asked either. And she _knew_ Gail, she knew she was used to not sharing the pain...

They had spoken on the phone. Often, even. They would talk about their days, share the latest adventures with their colleagues, their new discoveries in town... Holly's excitement with the new job and the new city had made her slightly blind to the fact that Gail knew her own like the back of her hand. Still, Gail would spend hours and hours on Google trying to find somewhere new. A coffee place, a restaurant, a concert hall, a cinema... and she would go and check it out to later talk about it. That was how _committed_ she had been. At least at first. Eventually their work swallowed them whole and the almost daily calls turned into monthly emails about the weather and the new shows on Netflix.

"Your team was here earlier. There are quite a lot of witnesses. Everything points to suicide." Gail started as she approached the other women. She stopped right in front of Holly, studying every inch of her face as if to make sure this was truly her and not an impersonator.

"It's really good to see you." Gail said breathlessly, her hand meeting Holly's shoulder. She squeezed it softly before walking away towards Oliver, leaving a surprised Chloe behind, an impressed rookie that had just found out first hand that Gail was indeed human and had feelings, and a half frozen Holly. It was Holly's sudden shiver that brought them all back to the present moment.

"Here," The rookie offered, giving Holly the hot chocolate that Gail had left behind.

"Oh, Miranda's is still open?" Holly asked as she accepted the cup that was still warm. It was her absolute favourite.

"What?" Asked the confused rookie, "Oh, I wouldn't know. Detective Peck always brings two cups to every crime scene."

"She does, does she?" Holly smiled at the cup she now held in her hands. That was where they had had their first _real_ date and where they would go at least once per week for hot chocolate and pancakes.

"Yes. And something tells me it's not because she particularly likes me."

"We have had this conversation before, rookie. That's just Detective Peck's way." Chloe intervened.

"Oh yes, it is." Holly whispered adoringly at the cup before looking around until her eyes fell on Gail's familiar shape. "Excuse me."

Holly would run if she could but with her bag and her hot chocolate there was nothing she could do. And she was not about to drop everything and cause a scene. It was definitely not her, not _their_ , style. She was walking as fast as she could without looking too eager or desperate, a smile plastered on her face.

 _Almost there_.

Holly caught Oliver's eye as Gail started to move again and he winked. He had been the one to call her to the scene, a scene that didn't require her attention. He knew the only thing she could do was take care of the autopsy and yet he had called her. He had asked her to come straight from the airport...

"Nice shirt, Oliver. Really like the colour." She said as he lifted the yellow police tape for her to go through, a knowing grin on his face.

"You know, Peck is pale but looks extremely good in white."

Holly couldn't help but laugh. She stopped by his side for a minute, leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." It was obvious that Oliver Shaw absolutely adored Gail. She knew that he would always keep an eye out for Gail, he would always have her back. Holly couldn't be more grateful for it.

"Gail." Holly raised her voice slightly as the other woman opened the door to her car. "Suicide for love?"

"Two different gangs. It would never work out." Gail replied before even looking up. They had gone through this scene before. The dialogue had been different, but otherwise it was exactly the same. One of them by the car, the other with her back to the station, the bags...

"But suicide? Don't you think there were other options?"

The hot chocolate was new, though. Holly was holding onto the cup as if her life depended on it, as if it constituted the missing piece to the puzzle that she was. It was not empty as it had been that day. It was not being thrown away as it had been that day...

"Maybe it was the easiest."

Holly had to stop herself from taking a step back as the immense sadness of Gail's words crushed against her. She had to remind herself that she was moving in the opposite direction. She was moving forward, not back. She too had chosen the easiest way. Yes, she had asked Gail to leave with her, but deep down inside she knew that Gail wouldn't, couldn't. She had asked Gail to give up her life for her and not for one minute had she considered the fact that maybe Gail was _her_ life. She hadn't had the courage to admit it at the time. She had needed the space, the distance...

Oh, they were right. Leaving will remind you of the thousand and one almost invisible reasons why you should stay. And when they start clouding up your mind? That's when you know the time has come... the time to _return_.

"You didn't ask me to stay."

Gail closed the door and leaned back against her car, her full attention focused on the woman standing in front of her.

"How could I? You had just asked me to leave with you, that was how bad you wanted to go. I couldn't be the reason why you didn't chase a dream. I couldn't be the reason why you didn't go, Holly. I wouldn't be able to live with myself..."

"Do you think you could live with being the reason why I stay, though?" Holly asked, her signature lopsided grin taking over her face as she dropped her bag and moved closer to Gail.

"Oh, I don't know." Gail replied, fighting the smile that was threatening to come out. "I honestly thought..."

"Before you finish, I feel the need to inform you that I have my _lunchbox_ in my bag. And also a scalpel..." Holly interrupted before taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "You were saying..." She tilted her head.

"I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted..." Her grin was now impossible to contain and Holly poked her playfully on the ribs. "That I thought you would never ask." She finally concluded, pulling Holly closer to her and pressing her lips to hers.

 _They were back._

"Nice outfit, by the way. Backpack in the car?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me."


End file.
